I've posted this one on Nintendo Life, but...Right, the puns I'm about to make will probably Crash and burn and none of you will probably get them, but my Neo Cortex is full of them, so I ought to take part in a Night Fight and maybe have a nice cup of Hot Coco. While I'm stuck on N. Sanity Island, you guys are just Hangin' Out, even though I'm about to have a Cold Hard Crash during High Time. I can't Bear It or Bear Down, it's just Un-Bearable, and not Totally Fly. Nobody here is Bee-Having and I'm not Diggin' It at all, this is The Eel Deel. Gee Wiz, Toad Village is where I'm Makin' Waves to next, and that place is just a Road To Ruin full of those stupid Jungle Rollers. I'd like to Hang Eight with all of you, but as you can't see, I'm now surrounded by Toxic Waste in The Great Hall. I had an Air Crash, which means unless someone saves me from this Ruination it's Lights Out for my life, and I'll be the Jaws of Darkness in no time. Boulder Dash, I say, now I'm on a Slippery Climb that will go to a Road To Nowhere, and then The Great Gate will be in my way. Everything's Gone Tomorrow, while I'm still in Tomb Time, having Deep Trouble. The Orient Express forgot to pick me up so now I'm going on a Midnight Run for the Rings of Power, and I wonder, are they in Area 51? But now I got ambushed so I'll have to Hang'em High, or existence will be a Snow Go! I'm so Spaced Out because I sort of knew this was the end, and I'd be Ski Crazed enough to Tell No Tales- but wait! The Lab gave me equipment that they stole from a Generator Room for this situation! At the last second I managed to Piston It Away from the Native Fortress. Boulders crash down as I go Upstream. This is Hog Wild. The Lost City is not too far away, I just need to avoid the Rolling Stones while I go Up the Creek. Temple Ruins lay before me but the dangers in this Sunset Vista are going Whole Hog. My Cortex Power is fading when I suddenly hear Heavy Machinery. I'm Fumbling in the Dark when I remember that The High Road actually leads to The Pits! I decide to Crash Dash to Turtle Woods when I hear sounds like Crash Crush and I know I have Snow Biz here. I'm going to be Plant Food sometime Sewer or Later, unless I prepare for a Pack Attack. I'll need to Totally Bear or I'll get stuck Under Pressure. The Bone Yard is up ahead... I just wanna make a Hog Ride straight outta this Orange Asphalt! Double Header yikes, Eggipus Rex is heading towards me and it's pure Dino Might! I wish the Sphynxinator would save me cause right now I'm a Tomb Wader depending on a Bug Lite in a Future Frenzy! I had a Flaming Passion for it, but it looks like I'm a goner. Bye Bye Blimps- the Mad Bombers are coming because I just couldn't stop them. Wizards and Lizards will cause Arctic Antics and you'll be Bamboozled in Tornado Al---
